The Oncoming Storm

They’ve done it again.


The ‘Coming in 2011’ trailer shows us nothing we didn’t already know while simultaneously raising an awful lot of questions. Thus.
1- At what point in River’s personal timeline are these episodes going to occur?
2- WHY IS SHE NAKED?!
3- What’s actually going to HAPPEN in America? And how will they get from Monument Valley to the White House?
4- Is there a reason they’re in a CAR? Where did they even get a car?
5- Why does The Doctor have a beard and can he manage to pull that look off? LOOK!
6- Will there be more fez action?
7- Those creepy doll things. What the hell are those creepy doll things? And how do they manage to be so creepy in a 3 second snapshot?
8- Why does Amy have stuff written on her face? SO CREEPY!
9- That was an ood? Really? An ood? Why are they bringing the ood back?
10- What’s this monster that Matt Smith describes as “scarier than the weeping angels?” Is it those bloody creepy doll things?
(Ok so they’re playing to my weaknesses this time. Those kind of creepy doll type things in dark creepy houses creep me out big time. Even in theory. In case you hadn’t guessed)
11- That thing, in the room at the end? What was that thing?
12-This. What the fuck is this? Is it the Tardis from The Lodger?
13- Those are Nazis aren't they? How is THAT going to work?
13- Is this the greatest writing team ever assembled?
14- Why can’t Easter come faster, damn it.


And then there’s the big ones-
Who’s the great man who’s going to die?
I’ve thought about this a lot. It has to be someone we already know and love and it’s not going to be a minor character. The obvious answer is The Doctor. But that’s just it, it’s the obvious answer. Plus I can’t work out how that could work. Also we can be fairly sure that this is the same Great Man who River killed. It can’t be Rory because Rory has already died twice and three times is probably pushing the issue. The only other theory I have is Captain Jack. Moffat has said that he’d love to bring him back and technically speaking he has every right to- Jack is a Moffat creation. But Jack’s immortal and he’s got his own series. So killing him would be tricky canon wise. Mind you- the new series of Torchwood is also set in America. Coincidence?


Who is River?
We’re going to find out. We know we are. On the one hand I can’t help doubting whether they’ll be able to pull it off. We’ve spent, what, three years speculating about who this women is. That’s a lot of potential for anti-climax. On the other hand I trust Moffat more than any other writer alive to pull off the impossible. So here are my theories.
(I’m going to preface this by saying I don’t honestly think these are the right answers. In fact I hope they aren’t.)
1- River is Mrs Doctor
I hate this theory. Pretty sure its not the right one. I mean come on. It goes some completely against all the cannon. Just no. Mind you, I can’t help wondering how much of my objection is logical and how much is sheer jealousy. “NO ONE GETS TO MARRY HIM!!!”
2- River is The Doctor.
It kind of makes sense doesn’t it? The great man she killed was actually herself and River is that long talked about thing- a female Doctor. I liked this theory for quite a while. I think Time of Angels played into it nicely. But its gone out of favour a bit.
3- River is a Time Lord
I think this is the most plausible of the three. Perhaps she’s a regenerated someone from The Doctor’s past. OMG! MAYBE SHE’S THE MASTER! Actually my best guess would be on Romana. I think if they were going to bring anyone back it’d be her.
3- River is Jack
This is the current favourite although no one else seems to get the same joy from it as me and beccamarsh. As mentioned Moffat wanted to bring Jack back. Now- think about everything River has ever said. Her mannerisms and general demeanour, “Hello Sweetie“ and all that. Now imagine Jack saying them. Imagine him doing what she does. IT FITS! Its fits way too well actually. And to anyone who wants to counter this with “But she’s a women”- Jack getting a sex change is actually more plausible than him turning into a giant head in a jar. So there.
(I do think that maybe Jack will come into the next series somehow. I might be totally wrong. But they’ve been a few mentions of him. A couple of throw away tweets from Moffat.)
4- River is the Tardis
Until a couple of days ago I was totally oblivious to this theory. I came across it here. This actually kind of makes sense. The way she refers to him in an affectionate but condescending way. How good she is at flying...herself. And if The Doctor was "married" to anyone it'd be the Tardis wouldn't it. So this is tricky cannon wise too but only as much as the others.


There’s one last BIG question-
What’s he going to do to us? 
We know the series is being split into two parts. We also know that the cliff hanger in the middle is going to be EPIC. Steven Moffat is responsible for some of the most painful cliff-hangers in television history. And there’s a chance that he’ll out do himself. This could be worse than Sherlock. Its probably going to kill us and will almost certainly warrant the removal of a toe. My brain hurts just thinking about how awful it could be.
Brace yourselves. 2011 is going to be amazing.


Discuss. What do you think the trailer means? Do you get creeped out by dolls? Who do you think River is? Think Jack might come back? Maybe you’ve got more questions?