Never too much of a good thing

In which we try to watch a lot of Doctor Who in a row.

CAST
Alex- who’s house it was and blog this is.
Celeste- who has an alarming but useful skill for unlocking Alex’s windows
Shona- Celeste’s friend. Non-Whovian. Down for the weekend being exposed to our wild social life.
Rachel- very ill.
Emma- slightly less ill.
Liv- not ill at all.

FRIDAY 26TH AUGUST

2:55pm- Go to shops and buy a pumpkin, two packets of jammie dodgers and the new Frankie. Am total hipster.
3:09pm- My front door bites my sonic screwdriver off my keys. No idea how to get it back on. The hell door?
3:54pm- Starting to think I shouldn’t cut up this pumpkin until there’s someone in the vicinity qualified in first aid.
4:01pm- Have minor celebration after cutting pumpkin in half without causing myself serious injury.
4:23pm- Others arrive. Proceed to sit around kitchen while I make pie.
5:38pm- Celeste is trying to reattach my screwdriver my soldering it. She is soldering it with a match.
5:52pm- Against all odds and using my kitchen scissors, Celeste re-attaches screwdriver.
7:28pm- TARDIS pie made, lounge folded out. Now to try and make the HDMI cable work.
7:35pm- Guess what? Its doesn’t work. Look at my astonishment.
7:47pm- We try to plug a USB into my DVR. It just says, and I quote, “Format noSupport.” I swear at it.
8:01pm- Now watching the episodes on Celeste’s laptop with my CD player plugged in via the AUX cable. Not ideal but I’ve got from episode four on my DVR.
8:03pm- Emma chooses this moment to inform us she just borrowed the DVDs from the library and could have bought them. Collective facepalm.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

8:12pm- The Doctor has just gone back in time.
Shona-“Is he the kid.”
Celeste- “Yes. The kid is Dumbledore.”
8:25pm- Enter super sexy Kasran.
Alex- “And you can never look at Micheal Gambon quite the same way ever again.”
8:33pm- Shona obviously getting emotional involved.
8:38pm- Shona- “That’s quite a kiss.”
9:16pm- End warm honey and magic. Begin confusion and mind bendy-ness.

THE IMPOSSIBLE ASTRONAUT 

9:24pm- Trying to work out the timelines. So this Doctor is at the same point as this River but River is beyond the other Doctor as of…oh god my head hurts.
9:25pm- He’s not 1003. He can’t be.
9:27pm- Watching The Doctor die is actually worse after seeing the rest of the series. Almost believe its real now.
Rachel-"EMOTIONS!”
9:28pm- When the Astronaut is going back into the water River says “of course not.” Why? What does that mean?
*THEORY INTERLUDE- it can’t be River in the spacesuit. Because the River in the spacesuit would have to be BEFORE the River on the beach chronologically. Which means that the River on the beach would know what’s going on and I really don’t think she does.* 
9:33pm- JIM THE FISH
9:37pm- Rachel has just got glasses to correct moderate to severe blindness
Rachel-“Have I mentioned how much better this is now that I can see his face?”
9:39pm- The genius of Moffat is that this is better now. Richer, deeper, more complex. How is that possible?
9:45pm- River must know. This is River’s childhood. The little girl IS River. River must know.
9:54pm- Alex Kingston is BLOWING MY MIND.
9:59pm- They’re in the warehouse-
Amy-“I’m pregnant.”
Astronaut child-*enters*
Alex-“speak of the devil”

DAY OF THE MOON

10:05pm- The Silence seems to be fairly tied up with the Astronaut child. Who we now know is River. Who is tied up with the eye patch woman…its all linked.
10:11pm- Discussing whether The Doctor knows there’s something wrong with Amy at this point.
Celeste-“Amelia you’re not quiet right.”
Rachel-“You’re made of yoghurt.”
10:14pm- RELEVANT QUESTION IS RELEVANT.
The Doctor- “They got the spacesuit from NASA but where’d they get the girl?”
10:21pm- Creepy orphanage guy says-“The child she must be cared for. Its important. That’s what they said.” Who are they?
10:24pm- Further discussion on Silence vs. Eye patch Woman.
Alex-“Is it possible she was kidnapped from her kidnappers?”
Celeste- “Its like a double negative. It messes with the brain.”
10:28pm- Trust Moffat to put all the mind bendy stuff in the FIRST TWO EPISODES.
The Doctor-“Tell me about the girl? Who is she? Why is she important? What is she for?”
10:41pm- When Rory’s watching River shot The Silence she says- “My old fella didn’t see that did he? He gets ever so cross?” First time ‘round I thought she meant The Doctor.
10:42pm- RIVER PLOT POINT ALERT- “I have a promise to live up to.”

THE CURSE OF THE BLACK SPOT

11:13pm- Lee Ross comes on screen. I’ve just introduced Rachel to Press Gang.
Alex-“KENNY! KENNY!”
Rachel- “Kenny!”
Celeste-“What?”
Alex- “Shhh! Celeste! Kenny’s face is on the screen! You’ll understand when you’re older.”
11:22pm- The plot holes. God the painful glaring plot holes. The unrealised potential of this episode hurts!
11:25pm- *gurblegarblegaah* What’s that? The sound of me drowning in cliches?
11:30pm- And the Kenny is gone. Why is the Kenny gone?
11:45pm- On Amy's resuscitation technique-
Celeste-"You're doing it wrong!"
Rachel-"She is so doing it wrong."
Alex-"You'd think The Doctor would be qualified to do this kind of thing. Or have a machine or something."
12:02am- Tired but determined. We’re halfway and its only midnight. *giggles in vaguely hysterical fashion*.

THE DOCTOR’S WIFE

12:06am- We’ve just switched to the TV. The annoying pre-credit sequence wasn’t on the “perfectly legal” BBC versions we’ve been watching. Which means its only on the international version of the show. I call bullshit.
12:12am- On the genius casting of Idris-
Alex- “She’s sexy but she’s not…sexy. You couldn’t cast someone like Karen Gillian.”
Rachel- “A total knockout. No. It wouldn’t work.”
Alex- “Exactly.”
Rachel- “She’s sexy like bowties are sexy.”
12:32am- After Amy looses Rory in the TARDIS for the umpteenth time-
Celeste-“This time stay together!”
Alex-“Hold hands even!”
Celeste-“You are married! You’re allowed to do that!”
Rachel-(vaguely scandalised)“In public?!”
12:35am- Amy sticks her hand in the ood beard.
Celeste-“There should be some kind of rule about touching oods in their dangley bits. Oh that sounds bad.”
Rachel- “It probably is bad. She just groped an ood.”

THE REBEL FLESH 

12:48am- Rachel is pretty seriously ill. Exhibit A-
Rachel-“This is a pretty good way to spend an evening.”
Alex-“You’re quiet sick.”
Rachel- “This afternoon I had a shower and then I had to have a nap to recover.”
12:50am- Celeste is off doing something. Get bored of waiting.
Alex- “We started without you in the interest of going to bed before dawn.”
12:56am- When Amy works into the room with the flesh-
Rachel- “Family reunion!”
Alex- “I don’t think all the yoghurt is related.”
1:06am- Still conscious. Barely.

THE ALMOST PEOPLE

1:36am- Six down. Two to go. I think Rachel and I are the only ones who are fully conscious and she’s slightly feverish. Like she’s shivering. It’s a bit alarming.
1:40am- The logical part of my brain is telling me to watch the last two in the morning. That part of my brain has lost the argument.
1:49am- Doctor Who makes me a bit of an apathetic bitch. There are people in my house trying to sleep. I’m being a very bad host.
2:00am- Remember you are yoghurt and to yoghurt you shall return.
2:10am- There’s a little part of my brain that switches on at about 2am. Its sole purpose is to yell at me thus- WHY ARE YOU STILL AWAKE ALEX! YOU ARE STILL AWAKE! PLEASE STOP BEING AWAKE IMMEDIATELY!
2:17AM- Down to communicating via small emotive noises. And single sentences.
2:27am- Defeated by my DVR. BRB-passing out.

Basically what happened was this. I thought I had A Good Man Goes to War recorded. It didn’t record. We could have watched it on Celeste’s laptop but it’s password protected and she was pretty unconscious by that stage. So we admitted defeat.

SATURDAY 27TH 

A GOOD MAN GOES TO WAR

3:50pm- At Rachel’s place. Her and I are about to watch the last episode on her laptop.
3:55pm- Rachel still slightly feverish. Me exhausted.
4:01pm- I still believe Doctor Who is the sure for all ills. Having said that Rachel could also do with some serious drugs.
4:05pm- During the battle scene with the Sontaran nurse-
Alex- “Nice bit of gratuitous gravel quarry.”
4:07pm- We decided that Rory going to see River in the Storm Cage must be pretty early in her timeline. Possibly the first time she’s met Rory.
Rachel-“This is so nice. She just wants to tell her father what she did for her birthday.”
4:20pm- Rory hands the baby to Amy-
Rory- “Mrs Williams.”
Rachel- “Mrs Pond.”
Alex- “I wonder what it says on the marriage certificate.”
4:26pm- MATT SMITH MAKES GREAT FACES.
4:31pm- Awkward Doctor sexy talk is awkward.
4:31pm- On Melody Pond-
Alex-“Its such a cute baby. Look at it. Cute.”
Rachel- “It’s a-*voice breaks.* It’s a-*voice breaks.*”
Alex- “Its Amy and Rory’s baby so it has to be cute?”
Rachel- (croakily) “That’s what I was getting at.”
4:45pm- Both of us are so exhausted from the effort of that emotion we need to make a significant nap.

FIN.

So you want to be a Doctor's Companion?

'Oh! Doctor!'

Firstly you’re going to have to learn to run in heels. This is, without doubt, the most important skill you can possibly master to prepare yourself for the arrival of that blue box. Running will fill up a lot of your time from now on and, more importantly, sensible shoes are frowned upon. Plus you might have to run for your life at a black tie event.

During your training be sure to master running not only on solid floors but on grass, mud and the shifting walls of gravel quarries. It is also vitally important that you practice running on metal grills. You will probably have to do this above the flaming heart of an exploding spaceship- getting a heal caught could be disastrous.

Seriously. Look at those heels.

You’re going to need to get very fit. Have you ever seen a slightly over weight companion? Unfortunately, no. They’re all in peak physical condition. The Doctor needs them that way. For the running. It’s also a good idea to perfect a style of running that doesn’t make you look like a spastic sea bird. Try for grace and elegance, even when going full pelt. Plus make sure you can maintain this while holding someone’s hand. Don’t want to mess that bit up do we?
You may also need to hold onto small ledges for dear life, so get some upper body strength.

Your life is going to need to be boring. This is a harsh, but unavoidable, truth. If you get an interesting and satisfying job you’re probably not in with a chance. Same goes for a perfect family and/or social life. He picks people who are generally dissatisfied with their lot in life- who want to escape and leave it all behind. Luckily bad-ass boyfriends seem to be encouraged.

On the subject of total BAMFs.

Get amazing hair. Apart from granting you general success in life, great hair is a must if you want to be a companion. Especially in his recent incarnations, The Doctor has hair to be reckoned with. Its your job to give him a run for his money.
It’s also worth noting that you may have to run out the door at any given moment, so lengthily beauty routines are out. Take some time learning to look fabulous in record time.

On that note- buy a dressing gown. You won’t know where, you won’t know when. A dressing gown will help you achieve an attractively dishevelled look in the wee early hours if necessary. Plus if he does rock up at 1AM, you won’t have time to get changed. Blink and you’ll have missed him.

Karen. Obviously letting the team down.

Now you’re going to need to move to the UK. This is vitally important. Records indicate that being born anywhere other than the British Isles will have already seriously affected your prospects. Living elsewhere more or less kills them dead. So get off your arse and relocate. Preferably somewhere prone to alien invasion.

Now wait. And listen.

Vroom...vroom...vroom.