Saturday, July 2, 2011

Pick me up.*

Asking me to play Trivial Pursuit is almost definitely worth a crack. 
Ah pick-up lines. There’s a lot of them floating around1. Despite various advances in social graces apparently people still use them. Totally ignoring to fact that the best way to pick someone up is almost certainly to go up and say hi and also that I’m probably the last person you should be asking for advice in this department, I have compiled a list. 

Here is a short collection of pick-up lines from texts of note2. If someone tried to use any one of these on me, in the correct situation and using the correct wording (misquoting is obviously a turn-off), it would almost certainly warrant my attention. Not least of which because said person is showing some creativity and a knowledge of obscure popular culture3.

I’m certifiably crazy about you. I’ll be your name I’m muttering when they take away my shoe laces. 
(Press Gang)
Obviously this would be coming on a bit strong right off the cuff but you could probably work it into conversation slightly later in the evening when everyone’s a bit inebriated. 

Get your coat. You’ve pulled. 
(Ashes to Ashes)
I don’t think this would work in every situation but done right- this would work. Yes this would work. 

Hey is this guy boring you? Why don’t you come and talk to me instead? I’m from a different planet. Seriously. Want to see my spaceship?
(Hitchhiker)
Still find it slightly baffling why a lovely and intelligent girl like Trillian chose to run away with someone like Zaphod? He had a spaceship people. A spaceship. Case closed.5 

Let’s go somewhere. Madagascar. I want to go somewhere I’ve never been and I’d like to go with you. 
(Hitchhiker)
Please note that I’d easily be able to do Arthur’s lines from memory if someone initiated this.

Other planets? Want to see some?
(Doctor Who)
This is a pick-up line. I don’t care if Eleven said it to Amy with totally platonic intention IT IS A PICK-UP LINE. 

I’ve saved the best for last. It’s a Press Gang one6. This is arguably the greatest pick up line in existence- 

Hey, can I tell you something. I mean, this might be a bit embarrassing coming from a guy you've just met and everything, but, I really think you should know. Say this was like the olden days, you know, thousands and thousands of years ago...I'd kill a dragon for you. No really, I would. I'd go right out there and I'd kill one. In fact, I'll make you an offer. If you'll go out with me some night this week, I'll make a definite commitment to kill the first dragon that I see. 

Obviously it is now your turn. Favourite fictional pick-up line in the comments. GO!

*I apologise for the title pun. It was irresistible. 
1- For your reference, my favourite non-fictional pick-up line is as follows- Nice shoes. Let’s f*ck. Its got everything- confidence, absurdity and also shoes. 
2- And by “note” I mean “that Alex likes very much.” Obviously. 
3- Or that they read my blog. But that’s far less impressive. 
4- This is not the footnote you're looking for!
5- Ok so ARGUABLY there’s more to it than that. But I don’t think Douglas Adams ever intended us to delve too deeply into the sex lives of his characters. 
6-Another one, I know. To be honest if you studied the actions of Spike Thompson you could probably get me wrapped ‘round your little finger.