What? Real Time? What are you talking about?
When you sit down at a scheduled time to watch a specific television program you are watching it in Real Time. So for example watching Doctor Who this Saturday at 7:30 on ABC would be watching it in Real Time. Watching it afterwards using a recording device or on iView is Catching Up. Watching it online or via a torrent in the gap between the BBC release and the Australian air date is Cheating.
And you invented these terms did you?
Probably not. These just happen to be the words I use to describe things. Real Time has a bit in common with the Campaign for Real Time (see The Hitchhiker Guide to the Galaxy Tertiary Phrase or Life, The Universe and Everything). Both are threatened by impatient people with little respect for culture.
Hang on. You're getting a bit worked up aren't you?
Yes. I probably am. This is one of those stupid things that I get stupidly angry about. I think that television, especially really good television, deserved a degree of respect. And that means making time out of your day to watch it. That means arriving in front of the television five minutes early so as not to miss the start. That means watching it right to the end without the ability to pause it. It means watching in proper high definition quality instead of a dodgy pixelated online version.
So you've saying you've never pirated anything in your life are you, Miss High and Mighty?
I didn't say that. My piracy habits have actually increased lately but I use them only as a last resort. If a show has been ridiculously treated by a network so that no sane person would be able to watch it the proper way I might, Cheat. Or if something isn't available in Australia and shows no signs of being aired here, I'll Cheat.
Its not piracy I have a problem with per-say, its impatience. Its pirating something totally unnecessarily. We only have to wait a week to see Doctor Who this year. ONE WEEK. Surely you can hold out that long?
Its not piracy I have a problem with per-say, its impatience. Its pirating something totally unnecessarily. We only have to wait a week to see Doctor Who this year. ONE WEEK. Surely you can hold out that long?
So we're really talking about the new series of Doctor Who are we?
I'll be honest. Yes, yes we are.
I still don't understand what the big deal is? Other people Cheating doesn't affect you?
No. Technically it doesn't. But one of my absolute favourite things about television is talking about it. I love long in-depth discussions of minor plot points. I love speculation and pointless in jokes. I love the discussions we have in the comments of this blog.
And Cheating ruins all that. If you've already watched Day of the Moon when I write about The Impossible Astronaut that post becomes void for you. You'll read it knowing what happens next and only be able to make smug "Ah! Wait and see!" type comments. And those are no fun at all.
But what about spoilers? Surely waiting to see it on TV will mean you've already had the whole episode ruined anyway? Half the world will have already seen it.
This is a risk. But I'm making precautions. I've gone into self-imposed spoiler exile. That means no Tumblr for a whole month. It means Matt Smith's socks go without their dedicated online cyclopaedia. Google Reader will slowly fill with reviews and comments and articles from places I usually love reading. I might go through and read them all later. I might not.
And yes, this means I am cut off from all the other fans across the world. It means I have to engage with the episodes away from the internet. It means I have to talk to real people about it. And that's why Cheating sucks so bad. It means I can't talk to anyone because everyone's an episode ahead. So I have to talk to myself about it. And that's no fun at all.
I have a confession to make. I've already Cheated. You've made me feel kind of bad about it.
That's ok. You're only human. And honestly it's not like I'm not tempted. I'm a little bit cross about the whole thing myself. EVERYONE is getting it before us. Everyone. And that isn't fair, I know. But look how far we've come. Australia used to be about ten weeks behind the UK air date. With any luck, pretty soon, we won't have this problem at all.
You can still stop you know. It won't be easy. But come Saturday you can refrain from going online and watching the next episode. Watch the ABC instead, relive what you watched online in glorious technicolur. And then hold your breath for a week. Let the excitement build even more. Talk about it. Rave about it. Speculate about it. Next Saturday, when the second episode goes it air, make an occasion of it. Make TARDIS pie (I'm going to do some recipe trials and bring you a tested version very soon) wear a fez or a bowtie or your Doctor Who shirt. Then come and talk to me about how awesome it was. We can formulate stupid theories about the significance of red lights together. Doesn't that sound fun?
Has anyone ever told you you're a bit weird?
They never really stop.
