So you want to be a Doctor's Companion?

'Oh! Doctor!'

Firstly you’re going to have to learn to run in heels. This is, without doubt, the most important skill you can possibly master to prepare yourself for the arrival of that blue box. Running will fill up a lot of your time from now on and, more importantly, sensible shoes are frowned upon. Plus you might have to run for your life at a black tie event.

During your training be sure to master running not only on solid floors but on grass, mud and the shifting walls of gravel quarries. It is also vitally important that you practice running on metal grills. You will probably have to do this above the flaming heart of an exploding spaceship- getting a heal caught could be disastrous.

Seriously. Look at those heels.

You’re going to need to get very fit. Have you ever seen a slightly over weight companion? Unfortunately, no. They’re all in peak physical condition. The Doctor needs them that way. For the running. It’s also a good idea to perfect a style of running that doesn’t make you look like a spastic sea bird. Try for grace and elegance, even when going full pelt. Plus make sure you can maintain this while holding someone’s hand. Don’t want to mess that bit up do we?
You may also need to hold onto small ledges for dear life, so get some upper body strength.

Your life is going to need to be boring. This is a harsh, but unavoidable, truth. If you get an interesting and satisfying job you’re probably not in with a chance. Same goes for a perfect family and/or social life. He picks people who are generally dissatisfied with their lot in life- who want to escape and leave it all behind. Luckily bad-ass boyfriends seem to be encouraged.

On the subject of total BAMFs.

Get amazing hair. Apart from granting you general success in life, great hair is a must if you want to be a companion. Especially in his recent incarnations, The Doctor has hair to be reckoned with. Its your job to give him a run for his money.
It’s also worth noting that you may have to run out the door at any given moment, so lengthily beauty routines are out. Take some time learning to look fabulous in record time.

On that note- buy a dressing gown. You won’t know where, you won’t know when. A dressing gown will help you achieve an attractively dishevelled look in the wee early hours if necessary. Plus if he does rock up at 1AM, you won’t have time to get changed. Blink and you’ll have missed him.

Karen. Obviously letting the team down.

Now you’re going to need to move to the UK. This is vitally important. Records indicate that being born anywhere other than the British Isles will have already seriously affected your prospects. Living elsewhere more or less kills them dead. So get off your arse and relocate. Preferably somewhere prone to alien invasion.

Now wait. And listen.

Vroom...vroom...vroom.