Cumberbatching

Benedict Cumberbatch.


Go on, just say that out loud a couple of times. It is, without question, one of the greatest combination of letters ever to grace a birth certificate. What? A great actor? Damn sexy? Who? Stop it. You’re getting ahead of yourself. At the moment I’m just fan-girling about his name.

The last two weeks “Sunday night drama on the ABC” has been something called Small Island. I wasn’t all that interested (only as interested as I am by default) until I noticed it has Mr Cumberbath in it, and he was playing a character called Bernard.

I have a few favourite names, Bernard being a long standing choice while Benedict is a recent addition (others include Davy and Marmaduke, pity my children). You might be wondering how anyone can make television choices for such fickle reasons. I can. Deal with it.

I did kind of enjoy Small Island. I didn’t turn it off or change the channel. As far as Sunday Night Drama goes I’ve seen worse (does anyone remember Line of Beauty?) But on a scale of one to Moffat, this script would be lucky to scrape a three. I’ve been doing writing workshops in primary schools lately and if a twelve year old can understand the basic premise of “show don’t tell” so can someone capable of getting a two part mini-series made by the BBC. Some of that voiceover made me want to stick pencils in my ears.

The acting however, was rather good. Which brings me around to the actual point (yes, that’s right there is one). Mr Cumberbatch is, I think you will all agree, totally amazing in Sherlock. There aren’t enough superfluous adjectives to describe his performance. I’ve been reading the original stories lately and he is that role. He fits every single description of what Holmes should be. I can picture other Johns but Benedict Cumberbatch is more or less Sherlock Holmes incarnate.

Which means that every other character he plays is going to seem slightly off. He’s played the role he was quite possibly born to play, so I can't help but feel its pretty much downhill from here. Which is a shame because he stands to play a lot of roles in the future. Is that type casting? Its not really is it? Its something else entirely. Maybe there isn’t even a word for it.

I nominate Cumberbatching. Just because that should be a word.

Hair

My hair and I don’t have a lot of positive role models. Especially not on television. As much as I love TV, I have a fairly strong hatred for its negative representation of hair styles. I mean seriously, I know full well that it took a stylist at least an hour to achieve that look so why, prey tell, do you feel the need to pretend you leapt out of bed and shoved a scrunchie in your maliciously tousled hair?

(Ok so I’ve watched my annual episode of Home and Away this week and I'm feeling bitter).

Having said that, I’m a sucker for good hair done right. So here are my favourites.

Lynda Day- On the auto commentary for series 2 of Press Gang, Steven Moffat comments that a lot of girls had their hair cut to look like Lynda. There was a time when the frizzy side part was fashionable. I’ve never gone into the hairdresser with a picture. I can’t help but think that’s a little bit weird and pathetic. Or I did. Until Lynda Day inspired me to get my hair cut off. It never really looked anything like her’s (I’ve got a fringe for a start) but I still side part it when I’m going through a particularly strong phrase of “wishing I was more like Lynda.”

Alex Drake- While totally failing to hit Lynda my hairdresser accidentally managed to make me look something like Alex in series 2. While I have yet to see any actual episodes from series 3, I’ve seen pictures. And I’m not particularly happy. Alex Drake is undoubtedly a positive role model for people with vaguely uncontrollable curls. Why go and ruin the magic?

Amy Pond- There’s something to be said about red headed heroines. Its quite obvious that TV-Land contains more natural gingers than real life can currently account for. But there’s something about the blasé way which Amy carries hers that’s quite special. I think the red actually fits and enhances her personality, rather than just being thrown in there for good measure. Ten points. Also how does she do that thing where she makes it look like she's wearing a headband when she isn't?

The 11th Doctor- Once upon a time this particular hairstyle made me weak at the knees. It stood above all others as my favourite type of hair. That was well before Mr Smith slipped into the role of The Doctor and a lot’s happened in my hair style preferences since then. But he does do it rather magnificently. And I have to say, he’s doing a pretty good job of bringing me back ‘round to the floppy haired side.

Horatio Hornblower- the reason Mr Hornblower gets an honourable mention is his ability to maintain that hair despite all obstacles. Seriously. There was an episode when he was locked in a French drain for six months and it came out totally spotless. Let me tell you, I’ve been aboard a tall ship and all that wind and salt air plays havoc with your locks. When it comes to hair spotting on television, this is a mop worth watching.

Bernard Black- My friends and I draw this comic thing which features Bernard as a regular character. He actually travells in the Tardis with Manny as the 11th Doctor (yes, in our universe there are two 11th Doctors). But the point is when we draw his hair its this violent scribble. The violence is what makes it.  

David Tennant- Nope, he doesn’t even get a character name. Because I’d basically have to list everyone he’s every played. How one man can achieve follicle orientated greatness in so many different ways is totally beyond me. I’m pretty sure it’s a miracle of some kind. From the floppy light brown of Campbell Bain to that miraculous spiky Doctor hair, Tennant is the raining king of hair. Here are some pictures for you to marvel over. You’re welcome.

So to my two readers Sian and Lauretta (and anyone else who chances upon this)- how am I doing? What do you think I should do with this blog? Or are you happy for me to just keep aimlessly rambling whenever something catches my fancy? Did you even read this far down the page?

Ashes to Ashes

I love Ashes to Ashes.


I’ll admit, when I first heard about it, I was sceptical. I liked Life on Mars. I liked it a lot in fact. So a remake should have been a good thing right?
“They’re making a sequel to Life on Mars.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Except without Sam.”
“Ok.”
“Instead there’s this chick who gets shot and goes back in time.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Except instead of the 70’s she ends up in the 80’s”
There is absolutely no way that could have gone wrong.

Remarkably though it didn’t. Apparently Mars was such a success that the BBC begged Ashley Pharoah and Matthew Graham to make a follow up. John Simm said he wouldn’t do it. Problem.

I think there are two things which mark a great script writer. The first is being able to surprise. One of the most satisfying things, as a viewer, is to go into an episode or a series with that intense nagging doubt, and to be proven wrong.

The second is unpredictability. When the bad guy is pointing a gun at our protagonist’s temple, there are five words I do not want to cross my mind.
“But they wouldn’t do that.”
I want, in every moment, to believe that the writer would pull that trigger.
So its just occured to me that my two things are really just one thing. We'll ignore that.

Ashes worked on both these levels. It surprised me at every turn for pulling off story lines and character arcs that should have been impossible. Like Gene and Alex. Ashes to Ashes- the best sexual tension on television, and some of the best hair.

Its been observed that the main problem with Sam Tyler was that he was a man. According to Ashley Pharoah, Mars was essentially a love story. A platonic love story between Sam and Gene. Which is all well and good, but it’s so much more electric when you throw a woman in instead. The usual problem with maintaining sexual tension is it involves asking the viewer to suspend disbelief.
“Well can we just pretend that them almost but not kissing for the seventh time this series is plausible? Thanks.”
The things which kept Alex and Gene apart are always, always flawlessly believable.

And Alex has so much more lust for life than Sam showed. She really has more reason to want to go home than he did. She has Molly, her daughter. But while you’re stuck in the 80’s and there’s pretty much nothing you can do about it, you may as well wear outrageous skirts and play the music loudly right? Hear hear Alex. Hear hear.

I suppose you’re wondering why I’m having this rant aren’t you? Almost exactly a year ago I flew to Rome, and in doing so missed the final two episodes of series two. They’re being repeated at the moment and so I have finally, finally seen the complete series. The ending of series two will blow your mind. It has unpredictable and surprising in spades.

I’m now kind of desperate to see series three. Like really desperate. Thing is I want to do it right. I love Ashes too much to watch in a grainy Youtube window. I want to sit down religiously every week. I want to have to wait between cliff hangers. I want to draw every last minute of enjoyment from it.

So I’m going to wait.

The final of series 2 will be repeated this Saturday at 11:05PM on ABC1. I’ll email the ABC about series 3 and report back. No promises though, I think they have me on a blacklist. In the meantime, if you’d like to look more like Alex Drake, here’s a handy article from WikiHow.

Adventures in time, space and Utah

Prepare to be ranted at.

Right now, somewhere on the other side of the date line, Doctor Who is filming in Utah. Specifically in Monument Valley, which is a particularly alien looking kind of place. This is obviously quite exciting. Anything to do with my favourite Time Lord is exciting. This picture for example made me want to jump up and down and clap a little bit. Its just that, in this case, I’m also slightly bitter.

You see Australia has an enormous Doctor Who fan base, and we have since the beginning. The internet won’t give me any figures, damn it, so I’m going to have to make some wild generalisations. Australia stands with Canada and New Zealand as home to the majority of “international” Who fans. We were one of the first countries to pick the series up back in the 60’s. The ABC repeated the ENTIRE classic series starting in 2003 (and aren’t I glad they did?). The new series still receives solid ratings whenever its shown, and I mean properly solid ratings, even though its on the ABC.

And what have we got to recognise this? Tegan, that’s what.

Tegan was an airhostess from Brisbane. She travelled with the 4th and 5th Doctors way back when and she was just a teeny bit annoying. Ok, so she wasn’t really THAT bad. But the point is she the largest in only a hand full of passing references to “the colonies.” Most of the other references involved them being destroyed on a computer monitor. Oh no! The Daleks are bombing some insignificant and dispensable continents! Oh no! And then there was that shot of Sydney during The Christmas Invasion.

I think its safe to say that a not insignificant consideration when setting the new episodes in the US was the growing audience in the states. Doctor Who is starting to take off in a big way over there. So by filming an episode US audiences can “relate” to hopefully more of them with watch it. And that’s lovely and everything. But hello! Over here! Local and dedicated fan base! Hello!

Seriously does Australia not have some damn fine gravel quarries? Do we not have environments more like an alien world than pretty much anywhere else? At least anywhere else with a decent economy and a film industry? Is it not really cheap to film here? Wouldn’t it be nice to see us represented like real people on an international television program? Not just as tanned bogans wearing stupid hats with funny accents? Or at the very least, do you think that maybe someone from the show could come over some time and acknowledge the fans? No? Just me then?

Anyway. That’s my rant. Doctor Who should come to Australia. The end.

Sherlock 3

I’ve decided. What I’m going to do is cut off their toes. 


You see, I’m pretty sure that submitting the public to an ending like that deserves a certain amount of retaliation. The hard bit is working out something that is suitably horrible and memorable but which doesn’t cause lasting physiological or physical damage which would impair long term writing ability. QED- I’m going to cut off their toes. 


Mr Moffat already owes me one for the finale of Press Gang which caused me lasting physiological damage. That one warrants the removal of a big toe. The final of Sherlock last night wasn’t exactly big toe material. Unlike Press Gang the results aren’t permanent- we only have to wait a year to experience the conclusion. Plus I have a fair amount of confidence that it’ll be worth the wait. However Mr Moffat and Mr Gatisis are being held jointly responsible for the pain that episode caused millions of people. So I’m thinking a middle toe. 


The final episode of the three was, in summery, better than the second but not quite as good as the first. The main problem  was how much was going on. The multi-case format of the episode was potentially genius and it did work, but it was occasionally very confusing. It had the distinct feeling of an episode which was drastically shorter than it had been originally. I think a lot of script hit the floor along the way. 


For example- why did the assassin look like an extra from Lord of the Rings? Did I miss the bit where they explained that? Also the fight in the planetarium (is that even what that place was?) was just a teeny bit confusing and pointless. I think we were supposed to get the supernova clue from the voiceover but I was too busy trying to work out what was going on. The thing about Sherlock is that I don’t actually want to guess what’s going to happen. That’s one of the things I like about it. 


When Sherlock was posting the answer to each case on his blog, it would have been nice to have to text on screen. Partly because it would have been more consistent but mostly because I couldn‘t read it. Maybe it was perfectly clear in high definition digital but not all of us have that luxury. 


There is, however, nothing I love more than a good piece of evil in a deserted swimming pool. Its such a gloriously other wordly location. Are there words to describe Moriarty? I’m not sure there are. The moment when John stepped out was chilling. For a moment there I considered the possibility that he’s done it. I knew that he couldn’t have but the fact that I considered it is impressive. And then I saw the bomb. And the chill went deeper. 


The high light of the episode was Sherlock ripping the bomb off John. By far my favourite script device is unresolved sexual tension. There is nothing quite like it. It now indisputable that sexual tension is what John and Sherlock have going. What is yet to be realised is whether its essentially platonic (that’s right people, platonic sexual tension) or are they…well you know. Last night I decided I really don’t care which it is. They are two very untrusting people who are deeply loyal to each other. And that’s great to watch. 


Lets not talk too much about the ending. I’ve been trying not to put myself through that. I can only say I hope next year comes quickly. And that first episode better be amazing. There are toes hanging in the balance.  

Thursday on Seven

Thursdays are traditionally a television wasteland. There isn’t any decent reason to explain this as far as I can tell but it is undeniably true. As a result I don’t really feel any shame being excited about the new series of Beauty and the Geek.




Thursday-wasteland-channel-flicking was the original reason my brother and I started watching the first series. Anyone who’s now judging my television choices has obviously not watched the show. Beauty and the Geek is that very rare thing- genuinely charming reality television. The characters somehow manage to struggles out of all the stereotype boxes the producers have stuck them in and make us like them as actual people. Despite being, at first glance, clones of the contestants from series one all proved to have distinct personalities.


Plus its laugh out loud funny. Then again, I’m kind of partial to jokes of extreme nerdiness. There are moments that are cringe inducing too. And not in a good way. Why its necessary to film so many scenes in the spa is totally beyond me. Dear producers- stop trying so hard and just let the thing play out.


I have one other problem with the show- elimination. I get that it’s a reality TV essential and that someone has to win but why do we have to loose a couple every week? There wasn’t anyone I wanted to see go. When Marlon was nominated I almost threw something at the TV.


The tension during the tie breaker was almost unbearable. So was Marlon’s face when he won and said, in a quivering voice, “I don’t feel like a winner.” SOMEONE GIVE THE MAN A HUG! I’m fully aware that I was being shamelessly manipulated by television producers. I know they toy with my emotions but sometimes I don’t mind. ‘Cause its kind of fun.


I’d intended to go to bed at this point. Because, you know, sleep is good. Then I saw the ad for 30 Rock. I’d never actually seen 30 Rock. In fact I’m pretty sure I’d never even seen a commercial for it. I know the name well from various lists of “damn good shows that the networks insist on screwing around.” So, like the time I stayed up just to watch the opening credits of Dexter, I decided to forgo sleep for a while longer.


It was worth it. Admittedly I had only a minimal idea what was going on, which is understandable when you come in at the beginning of series 5. But I did laugh. More importantly the characters were endearing enough that I want to get to know them better. I have series plans which involve “half price TV Thursday” at Video Ezy and series one.


I turned the TV off at the end of the credits but not before I caught a glimpse of what was on next. I turned the TV back on for a second to be sure. Yes, it was Scrubs- another famous member of the screwed around club. It took quite a lot of self control to switch the TV off again and go to bed.


The real question is this- with such quality television on their books why is there so much crap on during prime time and, for that matter, the rest of the time? It defies comprehension. But TV is like that sometimes. We can only prey that there is hope is the glistening digital future.


Beauty and the Geek is on Seven at 8:30pm on Thursdays. 30 Rock comes on at something insane like 10:47pm. Actual time is probably subject to network’s person whims.

Sherlock Part 2

I tried extremely hard not to dismiss the second episode out of hand. But even before the credits rolled this wasn’t the masterpiece that part one was. Don’t get me wrong- its was good. But it wasn’t breathtaking.


The opening irritated me. There was something a bit NCIS about the whole thing. I’m not really watching this show for the mystery, I’m watching it for the characters and the dialogue. Then there was the shopping/sword fight montage. It wasn’t until halfway through the episode that I went “Wait a minute. They never explained why Sherlock was having a swordfight with an Arabian man in his apartment. Or what happened to the Arabian man.” I think maybe it was a reference of some kind to the original stories, but if a reference doesn’t make sense to the uninformed observer it should be left out.

There were some great moments in this episode. The leaps of deduction were no less spectacular than before. The scene where Sherlock walked through the financial office bobbing up and down behind patricians was quite hilarious. Sherlock’s flirting with the morgue worker was a well written build up on a relationship that was introduced brilliantly in episode one. I hope they make something of it in the finale. I love the way Sherlock’s sweetness is underscored with indifference and, in turn, is also hiding just the merest hint of something genuine.

In a similar vein, I loved the spray painter. Am I making a stab in the dark or was he supposed to represent Banksy? If anyone would be on first name terms with the world’s most elusive artist it would be Sherlock. I’m going to pretend that this theory is correct. Because I like it.

 But the text messages were missing. The onscreen text wasn’t used to its full advantage. The people I’ve discussed episode one with have all commented on how inspired the text was. So why leave it out in part two? But I think the biggest flaw came during the climax. When Watson’s love interest (see? I can’t even remember her name) was strapped to a chair and facing imminent death by Chinese arrow, I really didn’t care. It was exciting but I wouldn’t have been particularly devastated if she had died. Actually I was slightly disappointed that she didn’t.

Episode two was missing the understated humour, dark undertow and that unmistakable sexiness. Basically what it was missing was Steven Moffat. But, alas, not everyone can write like that. Television would be an amazing place if they could. It’s a great tragedy that we’ll never see another Press Gang. Unfortunately Mr Moffat has realised that single headedly writing scripts of that quantity is insane. Kind of wish he’d remained ignorant.

 One more episode to go. This Sunday 8:30 Channel Nine. The final was written by Mark Gatiss. I have high hopes.